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Trip to Switzerland

This is like watching two monkeys at the puberty zoo. You won’t regret it, dad. When I kiss Jimmy Jr. under the disco ball, it’ll be like we’re all kissing Jimmy Jr under the disco ball. Ok then, see you on our date! Now my rash smells like bacon. But it doesn’t itch anymore. You…

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Railways in the Netherlands

This is where I thrash. Crap attack? Don’t have one? I guess she doesn’t like wearing clothes. Please don’t tell Mom and Dad. Dr. Yap, once I was into you, but after seeing you torture my father, I think we should just be friends with dental benefits. Brr, it sure is cold in here. I…

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How to Take Awesome Couple Shots

Dear Diary: Tonight I’m sneaking off to the abandoned taffy factory to look for treasure. Also, if boys had uteruses, they’d be called duderuses. My crotch is itchy. There’s someone behind the milk. Maybe it’s the dairy fairy. Ugg, my heart just pooped its pants. Not if you’re a fish. The hand wants what the…

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The Effect of Urbanization

I can’t tell where your back ends and your butt begins. Everyone touched each other’s butts, and it was great. I guess she doesn’t like wearing clothes. Just when I think I’m out, those cheeks pull me right back in. My boob? Sausage leather belts. This is where I thrash. Butts. Let’s raise our glasses!…

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